DadsNet

We've been married 6 1/2 years and have two daughters (3yrs & 8 months).

Now she is starting to talk about wanting to have more kids (although not straight away) and is pushing hard for us to plan on having 2 more in a few years time. I really don't want to have any more.

I love my girls, they're great, but I find the idea of trying to cope with 3 (never mind 4) of them on top of a stressful job and a long commute incredibly stressful. Plus I feel like at the moment I have a vague idea how to be a good Dad to two boisterous girls. BUT I'm tired all the time and I have no social life. When I'm tired I get impatient. When I lose patience I get angry (loud). I don't want to be that guy but I'm sure more kids would make it harder.

I've tried to be fair to my wife and have real talks about this. In fairness she's trying as well but she's also putting me under a lot of pressure: "It will break my heart not to have any more".

Any suggestions?

"It will break my heart not to have any more"

This begs the question, why are you and your two children not sufficient? What happens when two more come along... will it stop then? In later years when this 'addiction' to having kids is no longer biologically possible - what happens then?

Something very wrong here. You should not be having kids simply to satisfy some craving, you should be having kids because you want to.

Would you have married if she had said to you up front - "I want (at least) FOUR children".

I would have headed for the hills myself.

I don't know... I can see where she's coming from, perhaps. If you really enjoyed going through the early years of being a parent, it's understandable that you'd want to do it again. A couple of friends of ours have two children in their early teens, and I really feel for them that soon their kids will be off to university or wherever. I'm not sure how I'll feel in a decade or so when I'll be in the same situation, but I bet, to a degree at least, that my heart will be close to breaking.

Pete, any idea why she specifically wants two more? In my (humble) opinion, she owes as much to your decision as you owe to hers - you have to both be into it to make it work. It's a massive commitment, as you already know, and if it'll make you unhappy she needs to understand that.

Andy

I second what Andy said!

Having a baby must be agreed by both sides. If it's only one side,then the children would be the the one affected.

Maybe you can talk about it, heartily.. Make her understand your point, or maybe you can both decide a time to have another children.
For now, be more patient.. and understanding!

a friend of my wife's asked her husband, 'how do you feel about having another?' and said 'you should have seen his face!'

I told my wife that my answer would have been 'how do you feel about bringing them up on your own?' which - luckily - she thought was funny.

I guess the answer is, who's doing most of the work? If it's split equally - or as equally as possible - then you should have a fair say. the kind of dad who's always working and never home can't really complain. I think from what you've said that you're pretty firmly in the former camp. I'm afraid it seems (to me, anyway) a little extreme to get a broken heart from not having four kids. They are often a joy, but incredibly hard work, too. Plus, there are already a hell of a lot of people in the world, and reources are finite (whether you believe in global warming or not).

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